Ten things to make the pandemic easier on your kids.

Oh my goodness. I’m on week two (really week three if you count spring break) and I’m sitting in my garage working on this blog.

I have an office but I also have a 25-year old who works better in my office, so I gave it up in support of his mental health. Joining him are Kendall and Faith—respectively 18 and 15—who wake up each morning unmoored by classes, teachers, practices or anything else that would obligate them to business. I wanted to give them the rest of the house, so here I am, working on my business in the garage, which thankfully seems to be somewhat sound proof.

Are you feeling uncomfortable? I am. There are a few easy reasons:

I don’t know when this will be over.

There is so much I don’t know.

My schedule, the beloved patterns of my life have been destroyed.

You have got to be uncomfortable as well. While we can’t return to our beloved schedules just yet, a few simple adjustments will make this process easier.

One pre note: Because I have older children, most of these suggestions are done quietly, else I risk a teenage uprising.

Create a schedule with them.

Now that we know this distancing business isn’t going to end in a few weeks, it’s time to create structure in their day. As much as my kids love getting out of school and enjoying free time, free time doesn’t feel so free and easy when that’s all you have. They won’t admit it but their brains, heck, their souls need structure to appreciate down time. Don’t hand them an edict. Ask them to put together a structure they can live with.

Rig the start of the day.

They don’t need to get up as early as they did when school was in session. But, a time close to it is wise. My kids are getting up between 8 and 8:30am. I promised I’ll have a good breakfast waiting for them. There are worse things than getting up earlier than you want and eating flavorful food, right?

Choose the first task.

The hardest step is the first one. Make sure they have an activity to go directly into—a chore, some homework or even a workout. Release the idea these days have to mirror your regular life. Just give them a place for momentum to begin.

Click to get these yummy breakfast nachos!

Create a web of ideas.

As a parent working from home, there is not shortage of things to do for me. I’ve got places to clean, work to complete, dinners to prepare. When your kids look around, they might see boredom or an endless litany of tasks. Brainstorm a list of things they can do, a mix of fun and responsibility. Then, ask them to commit to what they will do each day. For a time, you’ll have to hold them to it but it will eventually become their new normal and it will relieve you of the stress and distraction of managing their time.

Create a drop dead time and then permit a free-for-all.

You’ve created a list with them and now it’s time to design some freedom. Ask them to get things done by noon and promise they can do whatever they want after that. Or, create an expectation that you don’t care how they do it, as long as it’s all done by dinner time. They need to feel a sense of control and you need to allow them space to be them. Don’t get hung up on how long they are on Tik-Tok right now or how long they are playing video games. As long as they get a few things done every day, let that be enough. Better yet, join in their fun. It wouldn’t hurt you to relax too, right?

Set up a few highlights during the day for them to expect.

I like to cook, so meals are the milestones in our day. The kids know they will get a really beautiful breakfast and dinner. I’ve promised to dig deep and get creative with these meals. It’s giving me a sense of purpose and sets them up to have to break from their online world to be with me. At first they weren’t excited but the look of anticipation on their faces tells me I’m winning them over.

Yesterday we enjoyed a “fakes-giving” and it was as delicious as it looks!

Create forced family fun.

This much family time is unprecedented. We’ve always been a family to enjoy game nights or cuddle up for a Disney movie but it was usually after we were apart. It’s easy to be together without being together. Family fun doesn’t have to take up the whole day, about 90 minutes will suffice. Roast some marshmallows over a fire and make Smore’s. Watch a movie and eat M and M’s every time Dwight says “fact” on the office, or when Joey says “How you doin'” on Friends. Play charades or Cards Against Humanity. Paint rocks or fill out coloring pages. Don’t worry about whether they like it, just do it and then release each other to be individuals again.

Set up a time to talk.

Again, the amount of time we spend together doesn’t mean we are going closer together. A pandemic is an important time to connect through conversation. Last night at dinner, we went around and answered a few questions. What are you missing the most right now? What is the first thing you will do when this is over? What concerns you the most? No one was too young to participate: everyone had an answer, specific to their age and understanding.

I learned that Faith felt this was never going to end. Kendall was mourning the loss of graduation. Andrew missed his girlfriend and kept thinking about going back to his apartment and getting his desk. There is a lot going on in their heads, even though they don’t know how to put it into words. Keep talking to them.

Set rules and keep them.

The longer this goes, the harder it is not to break the rules. Just see your friend for one hour. Just hang out with a few friends. We want them to have fun and the disappointed look on their faces are heartbreaking.

There is a bigger challenge at hand, eclipsing lost graduations, track seasons, and precious friend time. It’s a pandemic and the only way we get out of this is by following the rules of social distancing. You also have a larger responsibility as a parent, to teach your kids social responsibility and empathy. That what they do truly does impact the world around them.

Take some time to talk to your kids about what the local and federal government is asking us to do. Ask them to research the Corona Virus so they can see the devasating impact it can have on our community. Help them understand the financial impact, the longer we have to maintain distances. Then help them create rules with you. Teach them how to adhere to self-created guidelines and stay strong when they want to break them. If you can be strong, this exercise will have lasting positive effects on them through adulthood.

Be diligent. They need to see you focused.

Let me be completely honest—I’ve had some very tough moments since this began. My home office is now a commune. I am a part time chef. I try not to worry about the income lost due to cancelled speaking engagements but after a while, the constant stream of worry online starts to soak in. I feel like Im going to lose my mind.

And then I push through it. I am the change I want them to experience. I structure my days with time for mediation, workouts, online friend time. I set goals to organize areas of my house or create new products. Don’t get me wrong, I allow myself sadness and frustration. I take breaks from optimism and carefully crafted meals. What stops me from completely going over the edge are my kids. I want to show them how to be patient. How to follow the rules. How to think compassionately for others. How to find purpose in small things.

I agree with Faith.

The worst thing about this pandemic is not knowing when it’s going to end. It’s hard to look forward to the future when the future is so dang cloudy.

This is my chance to be there for her. To show her how to gain control in a healthy way. What life looks like when you care about others. I want her to remember that this moment can be preparation in a sense. When we do the right things, they serve as sort of deposits for life after a pandemic.

I hope we all can emerge a little stronger and kinder.