My Life Without Intentions

You might be surprised by this but my 30 Days of Intention has been the hardest challenge yet. I’ve slept with my husband every day for 30 days. That was easier than expected. I sat still very quietly within my body and spirit for 5 minutes every day for a month, which was so much more difficult that I could have imagined. I’m trying to figure that one out. I didn’t buy or borrow any clothing for four weeks, which reminded me of how much I have.
There were more, but you get the idea.

How do you get me to do something? You only have to cry, yell, stop talking to me, send me a final notice or an urgent phone call. I want to stop the craziness, the cacophony of urgent voices urging me to get it done.

It’s a life without intentions.

I want to live my desires for you, which involves some serious honesty. So, in the spirit of NOT looking or being perfect, here are the issues I’m facing on this round of 30 Days of You (or really me).

• If I could make it about work, then it would be easy. I’m a natural achiever and I want to make it. My list of activities to advance my career is long and will never be complete. It seems false and a little too easy to focus too many of these precious days on my to-do list. Yet I feel guilty when I focus on the other areas of my life and I have things to get done.

 

• Sometimes, I don’t know what to “intend.” Intentions are about placing my attention on something important to me. My plan (at the risk of sounding like a complete robot) is to assess the situation and think about what is needed and look inside myself to offer what I have. There are days when there are so many things to do, I’m not sure where to start. My M.O. has been to get started and keep going and hope I am on the right path. It seems my “intention” muscles have atrophied.

 

• This challenge is bringing out the avoider in me. Like I said, I have issues! There are things that I am having a hard time facing, and I know if I just placed my attention on a few tasks, I could reduce some serious stress. Because this is a CHALLENGE, I’m kind of lagging and it’s affecting the integrity of the whole challenge.

 

I sound nuts, don’t I? That’s what a challenge can do to you. I want to finish this baby and I’m going to keep going until I figure it out. I’ve got a plan and it only involves 3 steps:

1. I’m going quiet. Sometimes you don’t have to know the answers to make a change. I know I need this “in my body/ intention” experience, but I’m not sure what the answers are. I’m telling myself, that’s okay! The solution will present itself.

 

1. I’m going to ask my family and friends. This will probably be the hardest task, but I have a feeling they are going to be able to see what’s in my blind spot. My 7 year old can tell me what I need to do to connect with her. My husband knows what I am afraid of and may give me his opinions if I give him permission. My best friend will be able to pinpoint a few areas that need my intention with ease. I just need to accept and consider their words.

 

1. I’m not going to back away from the fears. I don’t like living with fears! I am going to intend to face as many as I can, long after this exercise is over.

 

So here I am! Re-focusing and re-connecting with the voice inside of me that is telling me I NEED this 30 Days of You challenge. Are you feeling fuzzy and unfocused? What are your 30 Days of You issues?

If you haven’t already, make sure to sign up for 30 Days of You and get encouraging e-mails and coaching opportunities. You can also watch Liz in action on Life Dare TV.

Image by Lee Avison