Marital “relations,” gossip, Salvation Army trucks and meditation. Liz’s 30 Day Challenges

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been asked to share my challenges, why chose them and what I learned.  Here are four of my favorites.  What do you think? 

• Sex with my husband.  What can I say? 

When I first met my husband I couldn’t get enough of him.  Our relationship was characterized by seven hour phone conversations and passion that I will not describe as long as my parents are alive.  We still have the passion although it seems to flare up over

things like unpaid bills and unwashed dishes instead of shared secrets and stolen moments.   Sitting across from him at the Texas Roadhouse restaurant, I could still see that love and passion in his eyes and I wanted to recapture that innocence and excitement from those first few months.  Out popped of my mouth:  “What if we slept together for 30 days?”   I thought it was going to be about sex, but there were so many more lessons.  It turns out my husband is not the machine as I thought he was.  I found my sensuality had not died out completely.  I finally understood the power of prioritizing love.  And that it’s not fair to make someone ask for anything all the time.

• No gossiping, good or bad.

IN the weeks before I started the challenge, I found myself walking away from juicy

conversations with an acidy discomfort in my stomach, and my conscience.  Did I spill too much?  Was I too negative?  Why did we spend the whole time talking about someone else?  In the first two days I found myself picking up the phone to talk to a “colleague,” only to put the phone back down unused as I realized I had entire relationships built on gossip.  I used information about other people to solidify bonds, to bond over shared morals, to figure out someone else’s moral compass.  Without gossip, I had to focus on the other person, what they wanted, where they were going and learn to share my own information.  I had to tell my good friends about the challenge and try to keep my word to myself in the midst of some very tantalizing conversation.   It was a hard month, and I often felt a little lonely, surprised at how much I depending on talking about other.

• Making room.

It started as an exercise in organization but the night before DAY 1, I had an unexpected and atypical night of insomnia and I realized making room would have to extend beyond my personal space into my head and relationships.  I had some cleaning up to do.  There was very first awkward and then empowering moments and I parted with old and heavy televisions and dressers and clunky electronics and made $300 in the first week.  I balked  a bit when I had to clear my head of negative thoughts, even going as far as to e-mail my best friend’s boyfriend (he was quite gracious) when I had a grievance over a few misfired words on a Saturday night bowling outing.  It was freeing, although for all my bluster I seem to be kind of a fraidy-cat.  I will be making room for the rest of my life, I think.

• Meditating for 5 minutes.

This was my second challenge.  I wanted a break from the rigors of “sleeping” with my husband.  It stemmed from another hunch, a passing thought:  I never have any time for myself.”  Why not five minutes?  No talking, no music, no planning.  Just me, and my body.

I sat in my own pseudo-cross legged yoga style and closed my eyes, my phone set to go off after five minutes.  It felt like 30 minutes.  No, really it felt like an eternity.  And I thought I was going to crawl out of my skin.  I couldn’t seem to not think or feel or interact with the stimulus coming at me.  Even the scratchy carpet the whir of the fan started a stream of thoughts.   Eventually, sitting for five minutes did not elicit such pain, but I never really took to the process.  I did find it felt like a nap, resting from my ADHD thought processes, and I still drop into a trance when I get too stressed out.  I might need to do another modified challenge to get to the bottom of why it’s so hard to sit still but I have too much to do.

That’s it for now!  I have six more to share with you.  I hope you see that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to resent the challenge and it’s okay to admit you are a flawed and somewhat crazy human being.  I think the trick is to START.  Will you?  Enter your info and join the community.  Go to www.neadinspiration.com and www.lifedare.tv for more inspiration!