Feedback. UGH!

I think feedback has been the source of some of the weirdest, unhealthy and unfriendly moments in my life. Here are a few examples of some of the unhappy feedback I’ve experienced in the last decade.

• I’ve been surprised by a meeting planner who hated my presentation because even though the audience didn’t like it, it wasn’t exactly like the presentation description (very helpful feedback actually). The same planner passed the information on to me through the person who promoted me for the even and let me know I was worth about 1K less than I was charging. As a result, the promoter chose not to sell me or respond to my e-mails ever again.
• I’ve received a shamrock-sticker-adorned envelope containing a suburban-version of hate mail asking me to validate why I belonged on the stage at all.
• I’ve been told climbing a mountain would in no way help my speaking career and it was indulgent (in so many words).
• I’ve received radio silence while I offered several online classes.
• I’ve been unsubscribed. It always hurts when Mailchimp tells me someone has left my community.
• I’ve been unfriended, unlinked and unfollowed.
• I’ve been asked for refunds.
• Oh and my favorite. I’ve been ignored.

I want to invite you to something!

The 180 Life Transformation Group!

It’s encouragement week in the 180 Life Transformation School! We are focusing on ways to tune into the frequency of abundance and success by accessing the reason we are here on the planet. My friends, we really aren’t here to be perfect, to pay our mortgages on time and get the perfect credit score (although all those things are very good). No, we are here to use our gifts for the benefit of our community! We were created for a reason, and there are limitless opportunities to help others and start a movement of love, forgiveness, empowerment, leverage and grace in the world. Go to the 180 Life Coaching Group on Facebook and find me. I want to know you! Love, Liz

Please know, as often as I receive “negative” feedback, I receive far more positive support. New clients, success stories, happy audiences, loving kids. Standing back and looking at the feedback situation, the confirmation and affirmations should outweigh and swallow up any sort of nastiness. But it doesn’t, does it?

Spoiler Alert: I’m a people pleaser. I’m not sure if it is something I was born with or I had a genetic disposition that was curated by my parents and my spiritual background, or some sort of combination of both, but the fact remains: I continually shove back a deep need to make you happy.

So you can understand why it might ROCK MY WORLD when you aren’t happy with me. This Nead Inspiration thing is my purpose-driven career choice. I don’t have a back up plan, (actually I have two back up plans—to be a professional athlete or go to culinary school, so you can see why I really only have one back up plan). When I take the stage to speak, when I take on a new client, when I sell you my book or a new online class, I’m not just putting my business-self on the line. It’s all of me on a platter, served up ever-so-nicely in hopes you will be inspired.

In the first years of my business, the platter of me had a side of “proving myself
worthy,” because after my self-destructive behavior in my 20’s and 30’s, I wasn’t sure I deserve to live this impactful, immense life that came with my purpose. During those early years, feedback was particularly painful because while they were evaluating my work and possibly the outer limits of who they saw me to be, I saw feedback as two sides of the same coin. Either you were FOR me or AGAINST me. You cast your vote, and you wanted to rid the earth of me or I was your purpose-driven savior.

Needless to say, it was quite the roller-coaster.

Since then, I have grown, thank goodness and I have come to embrace feedback as a quirky and exciting friend. I never know what it’s going to look like, but no matter the package, there is a reflection of my best life in all of it.

Eventually I surrendered to one important idea: Feedback is like oxygen to my success.

I can’t see it all. I can’t raise myself. I can’t coach myself to victory.

I have blind spots. I have triggers. I have huge gaps in knowledge and understanding. The truth is:

I need feedback.

On my weekly 180 Life Pep Talk Live call, we kicked off our transformation week with a focus on feedback. One of the most important questions I received was: How do we handle feedback?

It’s a good one. How do you keep your heart open to your best life, how do you serve others with your passions and talents, but protect yourself from obliteration. How do you handle the possibility of REJECTION that comes with feedback?

Here’s the truth my friends. You need feedback and it doesn’t have to be scary, overwhelming or stressful. You just need to know what to DO with it. I’ve thought of 7 responses. They may not all be your bag, but choose a few and you will deepen the roots of your success immediately.

• Accept the feedback as an actual viewpoint.

If someone sees it, it’s real. While you may not want to give the perspective any weight in your life, you should. Tapping into the power of feedback isn’t rooted in agreement. It’s about understanding, using others to SEE the bigger picture. I recently received feedback in the last year that sometimes my dad’s success story portrays me as a silver-spoon princess. While that conclusion couldn’t be further from the truth, I get it and I’ll work to enrich the details of the story to include people who  might not trust wealthy people. I may choose to take the story out completely. I’m glad they told me in whatever way they did. It makes me a better speaker.

• Switch places and see for yourself.

I often say that one of the greatest gifts we have as humans is our imagination. We don’t have to experience it all ourselves—we can put on those cool 3D reality glasses through the feedback we receive and we can imagine what it would be like in their position. Is it cruel? Is it unkind? Is it dismissive? My husband used to tell me I was way to flirtatious. When I stepped into his shoes and listened with his ears, I could see it. I’m so glad he told me how he felt and I was able to easily adjust my actions to respect our relationship.

• Connect the dots between yourself and others.

Often when we have a strong reaction to feedback it’s because it resembles something in our past, deep in the caves of our memory and persona. It could be you and the person you are connecting with through feedback have some sort of shared energy or common perspective and you are triggering each other. The abused and abuser. The popular and overlooked. Get real about what it’s REALLY about and you can avoid wasting time and get to the real gift in the feedback. When I received the “shamrock letter” the anonymous sender questioned my experience. There was much more in the 2 typed pages, but that stung the most. Why? Well, I question my place at the table of success every day. This person just touched that painful space. Once I recognized that, it was easier to gain perspective and find humor and information in her feedback.

• Sift through it all.

Even if you think the person doesn’t deserve your attention and it seems so absurd, don’t dump it all, every time. Sometimes you grab the feedback by the ears and stare it down. What are you telling me? Is there something real here? Dig around and look for anything useful. Use that. The rest can be flushed away. I often wish I could get a do-over with the meeting planner who didn’t like the adjustments I made to my presentation. She didn’t appreciate I didn’t follow the bullet points in my takeaway. She also didn’t like that I talked about myself and my own experiences, which I have come to learn some will not allow  me to do until I’m ridiculously famous. I chose to embrace one part of the feedback (follow your bullet points- it’s why they hired you) but I still use my stories to reinforce my message.

• Follow up with questions.

It’s not always possible, but if you really wonder about the feedback, don’t tuck it away in a mental box titled, “things I am terrified to understand.” Those sort of shadows turn into real monsters when left unattended. Ask the most important questions. Why? What do you see? What could I do differently? Asking questions won’t reduce you to a powerless peon. It actually empowers you with information and perspective.

• Toughen up.

I saved the best for last. Get tough peeps! Don’t walk through life with your skin inside-out. It’s there for a reason! People don’t exist to make you feel good about yourself. If you dare to offer your gifts and perspective for the betterment of others, allow the to teach you how to be great. Honor their opinion, bravely explore their viewpoint and courageously change for the better every day. It might sting at first, but I know you can handle it.

Feedback is all around you! Running away from feedback pushes you away from success. Embrace the power of your life and your work and really see the way you are impacting your world.

And make sure you check out my Youtube Channel and join me in The 180 Life Facebook group!