Being the best isn’t the key to success. (And 3 things that are)

Our Success Story

All my children have been involved in competitive activities. You name it: marching band, show choir, mock trial, basketball, soccer, track, cross country. The ultimate goal for it all is the same: be number one. Fight for the solo. Get the fastest time. Win the award for best drum major or teammate. First in line. First name called.

As a mother, I’ve been lucky. A good measure of time, they have been successful in achieving the number one spot. They have made the top teams or brought home the trophy or stood on stage with the spotlight on them. But sometimes it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes they don’t get the solo, they narrowly miss varsity or they have to fight for their spot on the team.

On those days I worry about them. I don’t like to see them sad. I wonder whether they will turn to the wrong way to alleviate the dark feeling behind their eyes. I have lain in bed worrying about the possibility of suicide, of whether I should quietly sneak into their room to make sure they are still alive. I talk quickly, using my speaker/ coach persona to pump them up with bright and shiny words, wanting them to get over it, move on, rise above.

But when your goal is to be one of the chosen ones, it’s hard to rise above. How do you stop caring when your success is in part to the caring in your soul?

I’ve got two kids at home still, a junior and freshman, and as I watch them weather the ups and downs of achievement, together we have redefined success. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not about being number one anymore. It’s not about getting someone to see you. It’s not about making the team. Nope. It’s changed.

Here’s three ways to redefine success and let go of being the best.

Excellence.

Being number one depends not only on you AND those who are competing with you. You can’t be head of the class without people behind you or belowyou. A commitment to excellence, however—doing your best, no matter what—is achievable in any circumstance. It’s about showing up as the best you in every situation. It’s important to note the standard for your own excellence changes every day. Some days you will stand on top of the world and other days it will be enough you just came to play. But no one can stop you from being your best, mentally, spiritually and physically.

Exceptional Consistency.

Interestingly, at the highest level, those at the top tend to live in exceptional consistency anyway, which is the practice of doing the right things with practical frequency. Let’s unpack this one together. It’s not about doing any one thing every day. Exceptional consistency asks you to identify essential tasks and then perform them with a frequency that makes a difference to your success. Your eyes have moved from those around you to focus in on your best life and what it will take to get there. You can’t do it all, and you can’t do it every day, but you CAN get the right things done and enjoy the benefits of consistency.

Surrender.

The final replacement to “being number one” is surrender, not to be confused with giving up. Ironically, when you give up trying to control the outcome, trying to ensure you get what you want and turn your attention to doing the right things to the best of your ability, success becomes exponentially more achievable. Worrying about what everyone else is doing, and where you stand in the pack AND trying to do your best right now is like chasing two rabbits. Drop the attention to others; turn inward with intention and pay attention to your now. Surrender the illusion you have any control over whether it happens and you’ll likely find yourself in an even better situation than you imagined.

Being the best can be fun. I certainly have enjoyed it all from the sidelines as I watched my children succeed by the world’s definition. It has been through the failures and disappointments, however, that I have witnessed the most delicious growth. It is in those moments they learned how to do it for themselves, finding meaning in their purpose and the lessons of that moment.

And in the end, isn’t that what true success is all about?

Love,

Liz