5 Thoughts That Stop Most People From Changing Their Life.

The first non-fiction book I read outside of school was Norman Vincent Peale’s, The Power of Positive Thinking. I was ten. From the first few pages I bought into it. The idea I didn’t have to wait like a kid waiting on the sidelines to be picked in kickball. Success was mine—I only needed to believe. “If I think I can, I can.”

Self Improvement is a thing. It’s called “Personal Development” now and it’s a $10 billion dollar industry. One of the biggest sections at the library and the bookstore, a top Google search, the Book and Gram filled with theories how you can Live Your Best Life.

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them you’ll find they haven’t half the strength you think they have.” 

Norman Vincent Peale

In my decade of experience as a professional speaker and coach, I have found that dear Mr. Peale was right—if you focus on a specific area in your life, believe in the best and choose specific actions to change, you will be able to change just about anything. Yet there are few gnarly partners that have emerged in all this life-change: anxiety and shame.

Now instead of blaming the people and culture and structure around you for keeping you down, there is an even more dangerous villain—you. You lack self-discipline. You can’t find your personal power. You have envisioned and yet it has not changed. It must be because you don’t believe.

I believe in personal development or self improvement or whatever you want to call it. But before you head down yet another “journey,” there are a few mental guidelines you will need.

Don’t look at it as all or nothing.

There is a well known quote by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Listen to the man. Millions are made of pennies. Marathons consist of steps.  Whatever actions result in positive results is positive. If you wait until you reach perfection to embrace the reality if change, you will be left with nothing. Instead, believe and celebrate every step you take in the right direction. Nurture the cause. Eventually you will feel you have made progress. In the meantime, enjoy every improvement you can muster.

Don’t feel bad you need help.

I’m not sure where we learned eventually we would outgrow “problems,” but it’s not true. Human beings are an interesting dichotomy of inspirational strength and debilitating flaws. Behind every triumph is another opportunity to get better. Often coaching clients hire me because they want to change something in their life but then spend at least half their time with me lamenting that they have something to fix. Let go of the notion of a fault-free life and dig into any barrier that keeps you from being your best. Remember, your faults make you interesting, relatable and authentic.

Don’t try to do it on your own.

It is an old school way of thinking—if you accomplish something on your own, it’s somehow worth more. My friend, there are no gold stars for going solo. I get it, putting together a complicated shelving system you bought at Target can be empowering, but self-improvement is a group activity. It’s meant to be collaborative. Think about it this way. Average athletes do it themselves. They have to download a training plan from the Internet and try to execute it on their own. Now consider the Olympic athlete.  They have a team—A nutritionist, a coach, a chiropractor, massage therapist, a marketing manager, a business manager. They surround themselves with people who will help them become successful. Forget about doing it yourself. Treat yourself like those at the highest level and create the team you need to make the change.

Stop trying to fix yourself.

You are not a problem to solve. You are a human and this is your life. Maybe you have anxiety. You could be heavier than you want to be. You always feel like you are going to lose your temper. When you make YOU the problem, you characterize yourself as anxious, overweight and ill tempered. Now you have to figure out why you are this way, and every time you try and fail to change, it’s simply YOU pulling YOURSELF back to the way YOU are.  Change the way you see the situation you want to improve. You are experiencing anxiety. You are gaining weight or finding difficulty losing weight. You are responding in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Your job is to figure out what you need to adjust to achieve different results. A medication. A new set of responses. A tribe of supportive people. Eliminating certain foods. Getting more sleep. Learning to speak your mind. When you move away from you as the problem, you will find room to explore possible answers to your questions.

Don’t be in a rush.

I get the idea of hurrying your self-improvement. In my timeline of change, I always felt an urgency to transform or I would lose my marriage, lose my finances, lose my sanity. Often personal development happens in crisis, precipitated by what might happen if we don’t change. But now that you are on the road to something different, success becomes infinitely more possible if you switch your motivation from that urgent and scary deadline to a visionary carrot. Weight loss provides an easy example. When you drop pounds quickly, you most likely will gain them back at the same rate. But when you change your environment, your mindset, your patterns and you lose weight a few pounds at a time, you are more likely to sustain your weight loss. Yes, rushing can get results but your job is to change your blueprint with new actions and ultimately new understanding and beliefs. Once you believe, the rest will follow. Be patient and enjoy the transformation.

Your life doesn’t get better by chance, it gets better by change.

Jim Rohn

What a racket this personal development thing is, don’t you think? It keys on our self-doubt and fears to get us to change. Get off the crazy train and take a moment to look inward. What about your circumstances isn’t aligning with your deepest desires. This is your life and you get to change what you want. I’m not saying it will be easy or the answers are always simple but I know you can do it. Give yourself time and your impossible dreams will become your daily triumphs.

Questions for you:

What do you want to change your life right now?

What of the five “thinking mistakes” I’ve outlined is getting in your way?

About Liz Nead

A speaker, coach and television host, Liz Nead is an expert in Bringing Life Back to Everyday Life. Her passion, Nead Inspiration is impacting the lives of thousands with life coaching, magazine articles, public speaking and life improvement television.

She has authored several best selling books, The 100 Day Journey, Curry Up, an ethnic cookbook, The 180 Life, and 20 Beautiful Women. Her work has been featured and ranked on Buzzfeed and reviewed by the Huffington Post. She blogs for Huffington Post and She Knows. Liz is a skilled story-teller and teacher, most recently climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro and competing in the Iowa Strongman Games. Whether she is climbing a mountain, flipping 300 pound tires, producing an award winning television, or conducting experiences in her personal life, her audiences learns valuable lessons to build an influential life.

She also balances her passion-driven career with a busy family life, raising seven kids in a blended family with her husband, a retired Army Major.