Getting past the nutty to embrace your best life.
“If I fake it, then I know I don’t have it”…and other gems from What About Bob.
One of my favorite movies of all time is “What About Bob,” the story of a totally neurotic yet somehow lovable guy who is plagued with stressful and paralyzing thoughts. In one of my favorite scenes, actor Bill Murray masterfully portrays Bob in his first meeting with self-absorbed psychiatrist, Dr Marvin (played by Richard Dreyfus). He has to describe
his issues to the good Dr, and his list is as long as it is hilarious. Dizzy spells, cold sweats, hot sweats, numb lips, dead hands, you name it, he seems to have experienced it.
Dr. Marvin remains unmoved, stiff and wax-like as he watches the spectacle that is Bob. He prompts Bob to continue on with impassive, “tell me about (insert issue here),” and Bob soldiers on. Then he asks the most important question…
What is the crisis Bob, what are you REALLY afraid of?
POINT #1: We all know.
It was obvious that Bob was afraid of something, but it wasn’t the numb lips and dead hands. It was easier to place those fears into something he could see and understand than to dig in and uncover the real ROOT issues. Dr. Marvin knew, we knew, everyone but Bob knew. How do you cover up your real fears? With productivity and business? Focus on everyone but you? Food? Alcohol? Here’s the big question: Is your sneaky plan working? Are you really hiding the things that are paralyzing you? (We know and we love you anyway).
This would be Bob’s moment, the opportunity for a big breakthrough, but he came up with another, even funnier response:
“What if I’m looking for a bathroom and I can’t find it…PAUSE….and my bladder explodes.”
Point #2: How crazy are our what-ifs?
Okay, Bob’s fear really is crazy. Of course his bladder isn’t going to explode. Of course he’ll be able to find a restroom just around the corner. But the real issue is the negative power of his what-if’s. He was stuck, mired in the idea that something bad might happen if he
moved too far away from where he is comfortable. We all hold on to the comfort of our routines. We think through what could happen and set up the schedules and processes to reduce risk and avoid pain and rejection. Your ability to hypothesize can protect you, but don’t let it hold you back from moving forward in a healthy way.
The scenes ends with Bob continuing on, faking a serious case of Tourette Syndrome. Bob knows he doesn’t really have Tourette’s and finally Dr. Marvin disgustedly asks Bob, then why fake it? Bob replies as one of the great philosophers of our day:
Point #3: How far will you go to protect yourself?
It’s all about self-protection. By the time you are an adult, you have heard you are not good enough in a million different ways. It could be your nose, the hangy skin under your arm, the volume of your voice or your funny laugh and sense of humor. Bob just wanted to take control. And he did by pretending to have Tourette Syndrome and a heart attack and then popping up in relief because he knew he really didn’t suffer from either. What do you do to protect yourself? Do you befriend people who are “crazier” than you are? Do you quickly buy what you need because the money slips away when you try to save it? How about hiding behind your childrens’ schedule so you don’t have to see you are afraid of adult relationships? You don’t need to sacrifice growth for safety. The reality is, personal growth will offer you far more safety than faking it ever will.
I love Bob. He’s just being honest about being crazy. I think we all have a little Bob in us and maybe it’s time to let him out and give him some advice.
- Everyone can probably already see your issues. Don’t work so hard to cover them up and you can get the encouragement you need and find the solutions yourself.
- Don’t let your what-if’s paralyze you. Even if the unthinkable happened, you will be able to work through it.
- While it can be good to protect yourself, don’t allow your need for safety to restrict your growth.