Neighborly Inspiration: I challenge you to SMILE!

The elevator etiquette SMILE challenge:

Have you ever been around someone who breaks “elevator etiquette?”  I have summarized the online wiki but the rules are listed below.

• Make contact with whomever enters the elevator.
• Offer a smile, quickly.  Extended eye contact or teeth and you will seem unnaturally forthcoming and stalker-ish.
• Reorganize yourself to honor the social bubble established by others in the small space.  Crowding creates discomfort.
• Make small talk as necessary, dependent on the length of elevator ride.

The elevator etiquette applies not only to  upwardly and downwardly mobile boxes but also simple walk-by and drive-by encounters.  As you drive down a street, particularly in the suburbs and even more particularly on your street, it is best to look at the people nearby and wait for the opportunity to smile.  Even more essential when  you are walking down the street.  Please note:  It doesn’t matter if it’s genuine, studies show it’s actually a way to reduce the amount of aggression and negative feedback around you.

Not even a smile?

Every so often you will encounter someone who breaks those rules.  I live near such a person.  Every day, twice a day, he walks his dog.  He’s a sturdy looking fellow and in contrast, his dog scurrying beneath his stride, a white and fluffy contrast. One thing in common; they stare straight ahead, not a look to the right or the left.

I always thought his smile-less habits were somehow related to me.  Perhaps he could sense my emotional and physical messiness even from across the sidewalks, someone who strains beyond his reserved sensibilities.  I know he could see me, a certain minority in the suburbs of Des Moines, Iowa.  My theories were blown apart a year ago when he resolutely and silently strode by me and a group of neighbors.  Not wanting to exclude him from the impromptu party, I cheerily said,

Hello!

He didn’t look at me and kept walking.  That action (or inaction) launched a flurry of neighborhood speculation about his stoicism.  Assumptions were made.  Conclusions were drawn.  He is unhappy.  His wife makes him walk that fluffy dog that doesn’t match him.  He doesn’t like me.  He doesn’t like anyone.

This is the reason for the elevator etiquette, the human process: One person projects and the other reflects.  He put out an energy of disinterest and self-protection.  And in return, he got a smile-less, disconnected response. According to author Christine H. in cracked.com, we made assumptions that because he didn’t follow the “rules,” his quietness indicated something negative.  

Now, I know there are some of you that want to tell me to leave him alone.  Why does everyone have to “run for office?”  Isn’t it more authentic not to smile?

To that I say, yes.  No need to be fake.  But it’s not about receiving a smile from me, as much as me NOT giving up my positive energy to smile and love those around me.  For ME to let go of my judgements and assumptions and  to cling to my intention to smile in the face of his blank stare.

The smile/ not-gonna-smile showdown:

And that began my year-long journey with stoic-dog-walking-man.  Every time I see him, whether in my car or on the street, I smile and nod.  Sometimes I wave and if I am within earshot, I say hi.   At first, nothing.  Then, slowly, the glacial response gave way to returned stare to my smiles and idiotic waves.  A change in energy, as if he knew what was coming.

And last week, on Friday, it finally happened.  I drove by, too quickly and caught his eye with a toothy grin and waving hand that hit the car window.

Almost inadvertently, he waved.  And smiled.

I will likely never know what he was thinking.  My guess is he thinks I’m crazy, or needy, or just plain weird.  But what he knew, what I taught him to count on, was my smile.  You see, I broke the elevator etiquette.  I didn’t let him drive my response.  Instead, I drove his.

You are a powerful person.  I challenge you today:  How will you use your powers for good?  Offer someone love today.  Be joyful and loving.  Reflect what is in  your heart, now what is out there.  And see what happens.

And a special thank you to now-smiling dog-walking guy.  You made my day.