Hi friends! This is a little sample of my book, The 1440 Principle: How to stop wasting time and make the most of your life. Just by way of explanation, "1440" is the number of minutes in your day. I ask you to consider your time as you would money, paying it out to the various thoughts and actions in your day. In the book, I give you ways you can increase the value of your time and live the powerful life destined for you.  I hope you enjoy it!
(Click the book if you want me to send you a copy!)

Oh one other thing: There is a challenge when you get to end of this chapter so read on. 

There is a story in the Bible about three servants. Their master gathered them together and informed them of an upcoming trip. He would be away from the estate for a time and while he was away, each servant would be entrusted with a sum of money. The currency in the passage is interestingly referred to as a talent. The master left talents for each servant, the number corresponding with the level of the servant’s responsibilities and abilities. The most talented was given five, the next, two and the least was left with one talent. The master didn’t reveal when he would return and interestingly, he left no instructions for the servants. He simply went away.

Some time passed, and the time came for the master to return. Upon his arrival, he gathered the servants back together in a group and asked them to account for the talents they were given. The highest-level servant doubled his talents by bartering and investing the master’s money. The second servant did the same, turning the two talents into four. As a reward, each servant kept not only the talents they were given, but also the results of their hard work.

The master continued down the line until he got to the final servant, the recipient of the single talent. Different than his peers, this servant chose not to grow what he had, digging a hole somewhere on the property and burying his talent for safekeeping. I imagine the coin in his outstretched hand, covered with dirt, as the servant breathed a sigh of relief. Describing the master as a hard man who built a life on the backs of his staff, the servant explained he had been afraid what would happen if he lost the original investment. So he buried it.

The servant did not get the response he desired. Instead, the master responded quickly and harshly, calling the third servant wicked and slothful. The master wanted effort, stating even if the servant couldn’t produce the same results as the others, at the least he could have put the talent in the bank to gain some interest. He took the talent from the unfortunate servant and gave it to the servant with the most talents and asked him to leave his property forever.

I remember hearing this story as a child. It all made sense until I heard the master’s response to the servant with one talent. Of course it is better to bring back more than you have been given—but is it really so bad just to not lose? I related to the servant who buried his talent in fear. I understood the burden of expectations and the creative paralysis that sometimes comes with those expectations.

But as the years have gone by, while “wicked” is not the term I use, I see fearful and unimaginative lives as an incredible waste. These minutes are gifts. If you still have visions and dreams of the future, yet you aren’t willing to go outside of your to-do lists and careful planning, you are missing the investment opportunity. It will take courage to invest your time, to do more than fix up your house or take luxurious vacations with your friends.

If you listen, you will hear your soul calling you to invest in your life. It is sparked by a cause you see on television. It is an idea that hasn’t gone away since you were in grade school. It will require you to step out of line and be different from your friends. It’s likely when you look around, you don’t see other adults put it all on the line and follow their passions. So many people couldn’t be wrong. They must know something, right?

The call may not be so grand on the outside. It takes courage to learn to swim, or to date again after a tough divorce. It takes courage to have another baby after a miscarriage. It takes courage to reach out to your friend after an argument or get your GED as a mature adult. It takes courage to start a business or walk away from a career.

Most of what we see around us came from an investment in talents and time. Most of what we enjoy came from a risk. The lightbulb, the constitution, even sliced bread. At some point, someone had to have the courage to follow the call, to invest the talents they were given.

The hard part in all of this is there are no guarantees of success. I can’t promise you will have the same results as the first and second servant. Sometimes, on the outside, it will simply look like a loss. But there is never a loss when you invest your minutes. You will gain experience, confidence and understanding. You will become more agile and wily. You will get tougher and you will learn to get up and try again. Your ideas will become more refined. You will become more valuable to your community through your experiences.

I can’t promise you success but I can guarantee you will change for the better.

Courage is an investment. There is no shame in doing the right and safe thing with your time and money. You are simply respecting time as a resource. If you want to make time work for you, courage will change the game. Be brave. I’m not saying every day has to be a wild adventure. I don’t think you have to risk it all, over and over again. To have the courage to listen to your heart, to hearken the whisper telling you to act, that will make your minutes increase in value.

Challenge

Describe a vivid dream you are ready for, but just need a bit of courage to take the first step.

One thing I know for certain—you are uniquely qualified to live out your best life. Even if the first steps don’t go as planned, exercise your effort and the courage you need to summit the mountain of your success.

I have an office but I also have a 25-year old who works better in my office, so I gave it up in support of his mental health. Joining him are Kendall and Faith—respectively 18 and 15—who wake up each morning unmoored by classes, teachers, practices or anything else that would obligate them to business. I wanted to give them the rest of the house, so here I am, working on my business in the garage, which thankfully seems to be somewhat sound proof.

Are you feeling uncomfortable? I am. There are a few easy reasons:

I don’t know when this will be over.

There is so much I don’t know.

My schedule, the beloved patterns of my life have been destroyed.

You have got to be uncomfortable as well. While we can’t return to our beloved schedules just yet, a few simple adjustments will make this process easier.

One pre note: Because I have older children, most of these suggestions are done quietly, else I risk a teenage uprising.

Create a schedule with them.

Now that we know this distancing business isn’t going to end in a few weeks, it’s time to create structure in their day. As much as my kids love getting out of school and enjoying free time, free time doesn’t feel so free and easy when that’s all you have. They won’t admit it but their brains, heck, their souls need structure to appreciate down time. Don’t hand them an edict. Ask them to put together a structure they can live with.

Rig the start of the day.

They don’t need to get up as early as they did when school was in session. But, a time close to it is wise. My kids are getting up between 8 and 8:30am. I promised I’ll have a good breakfast waiting for them. There are worse things than getting up earlier than you want and eating flavorful food, right?

Choose the first task.

The hardest step is the first one. Make sure they have an activity to go directly into—a chore, some homework or even a workout. Release the idea these days have to mirror your regular life. Just give them a place for momentum to begin.

Click to get these yummy breakfast nachos!

Create a web of ideas.

As a parent working from home, there is not shortage of things to do for me. I’ve got places to clean, work to complete, dinners to prepare. When your kids look around, they might see boredom or an endless litany of tasks. Brainstorm a list of things they can do, a mix of fun and responsibility. Then, ask them to commit to what they will do each day. For a time, you’ll have to hold them to it but it will eventually become their new normal and it will relieve you of the stress and distraction of managing their time.

Create a drop dead time and then permit a free-for-all.

You’ve created a list with them and now it’s time to design some freedom. Ask them to get things done by noon and promise they can do whatever they want after that. Or, create an expectation that you don’t care how they do it, as long as it’s all done by dinner time. They need to feel a sense of control and you need to allow them space to be them. Don’t get hung up on how long they are on Tik-Tok right now or how long they are playing video games. As long as they get a few things done every day, let that be enough. Better yet, join in their fun. It wouldn’t hurt you to relax too, right?

Set up a few highlights during the day for them to expect.

I like to cook, so meals are the milestones in our day. The kids know they will get a really beautiful breakfast and dinner. I’ve promised to dig deep and get creative with these meals. It’s giving me a sense of purpose and sets them up to have to break from their online world to be with me. At first they weren’t excited but the look of anticipation on their faces tells me I’m winning them over.

Yesterday we enjoyed a “fakes-giving” and it was as delicious as it looks!

Create forced family fun.

This much family time is unprecedented. We’ve always been a family to enjoy game nights or cuddle up for a Disney movie but it was usually after we were apart. It’s easy to be together without being together. Family fun doesn’t have to take up the whole day, about 90 minutes will suffice. Roast some marshmallows over a fire and make Smore’s. Watch a movie and eat M and M’s every time Dwight says “fact” on the office, or when Joey says “How you doin'” on Friends. Play charades or Cards Against Humanity. Paint rocks or fill out coloring pages. Don’t worry about whether they like it, just do it and then release each other to be individuals again.

Set up a time to talk.

Again, the amount of time we spend together doesn’t mean we are going closer together. A pandemic is an important time to connect through conversation. Last night at dinner, we went around and answered a few questions. What are you missing the most right now? What is the first thing you will do when this is over? What concerns you the most? No one was too young to participate: everyone had an answer, specific to their age and understanding.

I learned that Faith felt this was never going to end. Kendall was mourning the loss of graduation. Andrew missed his girlfriend and kept thinking about going back to his apartment and getting his desk. There is a lot going on in their heads, even though they don’t know how to put it into words. Keep talking to them.

Set rules and keep them.

The longer this goes, the harder it is not to break the rules. Just see your friend for one hour. Just hang out with a few friends. We want them to have fun and the disappointed look on their faces are heartbreaking.

There is a bigger challenge at hand, eclipsing lost graduations, track seasons, and precious friend time. It’s a pandemic and the only way we get out of this is by following the rules of social distancing. You also have a larger responsibility as a parent, to teach your kids social responsibility and empathy. That what they do truly does impact the world around them.

Take some time to talk to your kids about what the local and federal government is asking us to do. Ask them to research the Corona Virus so they can see the devasating impact it can have on our community. Help them understand the financial impact, the longer we have to maintain distances. Then help them create rules with you. Teach them how to adhere to self-created guidelines and stay strong when they want to break them. If you can be strong, this exercise will have lasting positive effects on them through adulthood.

Be diligent. They need to see you focused.

Let me be completely honest—I’ve had some very tough moments since this began. My home office is now a commune. I am a part time chef. I try not to worry about the income lost due to cancelled speaking engagements but after a while, the constant stream of worry online starts to soak in. I feel like Im going to lose my mind.

And then I push through it. I am the change I want them to experience. I structure my days with time for mediation, workouts, online friend time. I set goals to organize areas of my house or create new products. Don’t get me wrong, I allow myself sadness and frustration. I take breaks from optimism and carefully crafted meals. What stops me from completely going over the edge are my kids. I want to show them how to be patient. How to follow the rules. How to think compassionately for others. How to find purpose in small things.

I agree with Faith.

The worst thing about this pandemic is not knowing when it’s going to end. It’s hard to look forward to the future when the future is so dang cloudy.

This is my chance to be there for her. To show her how to gain control in a healthy way. What life looks like when you care about others. I want her to remember that this moment can be preparation in a sense. When we do the right things, they serve as sort of deposits for life after a pandemic.

I hope we all can emerge a little stronger and kinder.

What if I woke them up with a different sense? Their noses?

So each morning I’ve been creating a breakfast that fights the moods this restrictive times have caused. Today’s tool of battle is…

Drumroll….

Breakfast nachos!

Ingredients:

• 1 tsp oil (doesn’t matter what kind)
• 5-6 eggs
• 20 bite-size pieces of steak
• 2 ears of fresh corn
• Chips to cover a large cookie sheet
• 1 cup seasoned black beans
• 1 cup Colby jack cheese

(Note: This is just what I had around. Don’t get caught up in my ingredients. Make this your own!)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Heat water to a boil and cook the corn on a low boil for ten minutes. When corn is cooked, cut the corn from the cob and set aside.

Season the steak with a light sprinkling of salt. Cut a piece of steak into small, bite-size pieces. Don’t trim the fat—it adds quite a bit of flavor. Sauté the steak in a pan on high heat until a crisp forms. About 5 minutes. Set aside the meat but don’t drain the fat from the pan.

Beat the eggs thoroughly and lightly season with salt and pepper. Heat the steak fat and scramble the eggs.

Assemble the nachos by spreading chips on a cookie sheet pan and then layer the eggs, black beans, corn and steak. Sprinkle cheese on top to your liking.

Place in oven for 10 minutes or until cheese is melted and chips are browning.

Top with your favorites: salsa, taco sauce, tomatoes, shredded lettuce or sour cream! I decided to make corn bread muffins and cube them for additional richness.

The kids loved it. It’s light but filling and easy to tailor to the tastes of the family. Hope you like it friend. Peace.

Encouragement for you:

I don’t know when you are reading this. Could be week two of a quarantine or long after this is over. No matter when you are making these glorious breakfast nachos, one thing remains. There is a great deal of joy that comes from the purpose in small things. Sometimes life careens out of control and you feel helpless. Remember your life doesn’t have to be a series of tasks, a monument to productivity. Take a moment and feed yourself. Enjoy the flavors of the food, be grateful for the flavors and the textures, share this small thing—breakfast—with someone you love.

• 1 bag frozen rolls. I used Rhodes dinner rolls
• 1/2 cup melted butter
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
• 4 tablespoons butter
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 to 6 tablespoons hot water

Directions:

I’m not a skilled baker so there will be no fresh dough for me, but a nice alternative is frozen dough. I rely on Rhodes dough—I love the combination of sugar and yeast in their recipe.

Usually I would say use a “loaf,” but in my desire to avoid the grocery store, I seized the opportunity to use a partially used package of frozen rolls by the same brand. Now that I have done it this way, it’s the family consensus that I do this every time. I’ll take it as a happy blessing in this difficult time.

The night before (it was about 8 hours all together), I placed the dough balls into two muffin pans. In one pan there was enough to put one dough in each slot and in the other, two dough balls each. I placed them in the fridge overnight.

When I woke up, and checked on them, they hadn’t risen but were sort of ready to rise, thawed out and kind of chewy.

I sat them out to get them to room temperature and prepared the oven for a quick rise. Heat the oven to 200 and turn the oven off. Pour hot water into a brownie pan.

Melt the butter completely in a pan and then add the sugar and ground cinnamon. Stir thoroughly and cool for 1 minute.

Melt another 2 tablespoons of butter and coat the bottom of a 15×9 cake pan. Sprinkle sugar over it until you have a thin layer over the bottom. It will make the cinnamon rolls delightfully buttery.

I took each ball and rolled it out, 3 inches long, about 2 inches wide.  Scoop a teaspoon or so of the mixture, roll it up, placing it in a SIZE cake cap on, swirl side down. Don’t worry if it’s misshapen or lopsided. I promise it’s not going to matter.  Fill another ball and roll and snuggle it up to the one you just did. Continue until you have used all the dough. When you are done, your cake pan will be 2/3 or ¾ full.

Put the ready-to-rise dough in the oven that has been preheated and turned off, along with the pan full of water. Leave the door closed for 60-90 minutes. Use your oven light to check it if you can so the heat doesn’t escape.

Use this time to make your cream cheese glaze.

Bring the butter to room temperature. Add sugar and extract and stir. Then, add one tablespoon at a time of the hot water until it’s the consistency you want. The hot rolls will melt the glaze but you can always add more water to dilute it later. Set it on the stove to keep it warm.

Once the dough has expanded to the size of the cake pan, it’s time to bake. Heat your oven to 350 degrees and pop it in. 15 minutes later, (or when it’s golden brown) your rolls are done!

Glaze your rolls and serve. The insides will be a bit more gooey and the outsides drier. Perfect for anyone’s taste. Let me know what you think!

Today’s meal is chicken noodle soup. I only had 2 chicken breasts and wanted it to be heartier so I added Italian sausage and since I couldn’t find any spinach at the grocery store, I substituted frozen peas to add a little green. Since I’m using what I have available, I’ve added “refrigerator style” to the name. Get it? You can add anything you want to a soup once if you adhere to the order of events and the amount of flavorful liquid.

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2-3 medium carrots, peeled and diced
• 2 celery stalks diced
• 1 tbsp onion powder
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• salt to taste
• pepper to taste
• 2 chicken breasts, chopped
• 1 lb. Italian sausage
• 1 cup peas
• 2-3 cups egg noodles
• 7 cups chicken stock
• or 3 tsp chicken base (base) with 7 cups of chicken stock
• 1 cup milk (also have used soy, almond, coconut or even creamer)

Now do this!

Melt butter in a large pot.

Add carrots and celery and sauté for 3 minutes

Season the vegetables with onion powder and garlic powder.

Season the chicken before dropping it into the pot. Add ground Italian sausage and cook until sausage is browned, stirring every so often. (The Italian sausage seasons the crap out of everything else in the pot!)

I really think the chicken base adds more flavor so if you were me, you would add 2-3 tsp of chicken base and stir, allowing to cook a minute more.

Add 7 cups of water and bring to a boil. Turn down heat to simmer for 10 minutes. If you are using straight broth, pour it in at this point and simmer for 10 minutes.

Add egg noodles and simmer for another 5 minutes

Add milk –your variation will be perfect. It makes it a bit creamier and tones down the bit your Italian sausage might have.

And then stir for a minute more and serve! Happy quarantine.

Everyone wants to be “successful.” Sure the goals change depending on who is talking but most people want to get the brass ring and keep it. From the outside, it may look like there are some who have extra talent or motivation but in the end, what you really need are the strategies, the keys to success.

Here are three ways to make it easier to achieve what you want, three keys to success.

Plan to use your whys.

When you are in the moment of stress, you can’t remember all your reasons. Your partner is driving you batty. You feel like you will never find someone to love. Your boss isn’t listening to you. You just want a day to indulge yourself. You have the desire to skip a workout and eat an entire French Silk pie by yourself. You want to finally say everything you are really thinking.

In these split seconds, you can only see the danger, the ways you are going to get hurt. You don’t want to feel the pain anymore and you will do anything to get away from it. This is why you run, yell louder or simply shut down.

Remember why you chose the path.

When you are blind from the pain, it will be dang near impossible to remember why you chose this path in the first place. At least not immediately. That’s why it’s important to choose they WHY’s you want to remember before you get to the point of self-protection.

• You want to retire early.
• You want your children to see you fight for your relationship and win.
• You want to be as strong as possible when you are older.
• You want to experience what it’s like to be debt free.

Choosing your WHY’s ahead of time will help you see beyond the fiery red. The stress moments can’t last. They die out when you douse them with your WHY’s.

When the anger, frustration, sadness dies down, instead of total carnage you’ll have weathered the storm.

Plan for derailment.

There is this critical space in before momentum begins. It takes a lot of force to get something to move when it’s at a dead stop, many times more than it takes to keep something going. To keep it from derailment. When you are at the beginning, you are a slow moving object. You aren’t bought into the process. You still argue with yourself about whether or not to get out of bed and run or get an extra hour of sleep. You aren’t totally bought into the idea forgiveness will make you feel better. You aren’t convinced that paying a small amount on your credit card bill will actually make a difference.

Of course it’s better to workout and forgive and lower your debt but the space between your thought and the action might require some some force.

And that force is planning.

You can make it easier on yourself.

You know yourself. You can pinpoint the exact moment when the decision is made. Instead of blaming yourself, hiding your secret, procrastinating your change, you can plan for the moment. You can make it easier.

• You lay out your shoes and clothes right by your bed. Heck maybe you sleep in your workout clothes.
• You plan a date night every Wednesday because you know you feel distant from your partner when you don’t spend enough time together.
• You set up an automatic withdrawal that goes into a savings account.
• You set up a regular counseling appointment to increase your tools for communication.

Failure is part of the success process, to derail several times as you attempt to change your life for the better. Don’t accept that misstep as a sign you lack willpower, that you are damaged in some way. Instead, plan to make it easier on yourself and soon you will be in motion and unstoppable.

Plan the celebration.

This one is personal to me. My youngest daughter Faith is a runner and experienced some early success a few years ago. We all had high hopes her times would continue to drop as she got older but instead, she hit a mental slump when she couldn’t achieve the times she once had.

At first we found a lot of excuses, situations that didn’t go her way, even her physical development, as sometimes young runners get slower as their bodies grow and mature. Faith finished each race under the specter of her former success. No matter her place, no matter how hard she ran, she wasn’t running as fast as she once did.

It took some time for us to see it, but the potential Faith showed as a young runner was killing her running. Her races were binary, with one outcome for success (getting a personal best) or failure (not getting a personal best). With this framework, there were a lot of sad moments and only one chance to celebrate.

Needless to say, it was both exhausting and saddening.

Celebration isn’t fake.

One interesting thing is, she didn’t want to be patronized. She didn’t want to be told she had done her best when she knew she could do better. It was a mental block that kept her from what she wanted, not a physical limitation.

It wasn’t until I was at a meet with a former coach, talking about how to help my daughter when a moment of clarity changed everything. He said, “she needs to start where she is, and improve form there.”

Yes! We needed to accept Faith’s present and celebrate every improvement from that point.

At first Faith didn’t understand it. She felt like we had given up on her, to accept slower times. But eventually she caught on. If something good happened, an improvement from the previous race, we noticed it and celebrated it. No positive change was too small.

If she passed someone at the end of the race.

If she improved in her placement.

If she ran a portion of the race successfully.

If she improved her times.

Celebrating improvements paved the way for more improvements. Comparing to former success only highlighted what she was not.  Noticing what is going well created energy for more forward motion. Every time we noticed the positive, she grew stronger, more optimistic and eventually, faster. She’s never going to be a middle school girl again and we don’t want her to be. We want her to be the strongest, most powerful young woman she can become.  

Long term success requires planning.

You might achieve success today. It’s a lightening bolt of powerful energy to experience what is possible in this moment. But long term success, the kind that sticks around for years, growing in momentum and strength, requires planning.

You have to make it easy on yourself.

Keep your why’s ready.

Gather support for your weakest moments.

And celebrate. Celebrate every single step forward.

“I’m sure that doesn’t happen to you.”

“Nothing seems to bother you.”

“You must just be built that way.”

Successful people seem to have it all. The confidence, the markers for success. The knowledge to make it happen. They just write that goal on their to-do list and BAM! It lands in their lap.

At least that is what it looks like.

But success is not a game of hide and seek. Success is a lifestyle, borne out of habits. The truth is, everyone can choose to act in accordance with their best life. I’m not sure it’s all that hard, but it takes some intentional focus to position yourself so success finds you. Here’s four habits to begin with:

Be offensive, not defensive.

It’s so easy to focus in on what you are losing. Who is getting their grimy hands on what is yours. Your time, your opportunities, your best life! Success cannot, I repeat CANNOT, come to the defensive. Why?

Because defense cannot create.

Everything you have ever dreamed of is yours for the making. I know it might seem like the ramblings of a suburban prima-donna but I see abundance everywhere. What do you want to create? What do you see around you that is begging for a solution? Step away from correcting and protecting and use your purpose to put something good out into the world.

Finish what you start.

Imagine a funnel of opportunity. At the largest end are all the people with ideas. They talk about what they want but never quite get there. As an entrepreneur enjoying my 11th year of adventure, the starting is where most get stuck. But at the next level of the funnel there is another group of people. They have started their journey and reached a few roadblocks. Maybe they think the difficult is a sign they shouldn’t go forward. But success cannot reach those who can’t make it past this stage of the game. Why?

Because success thrives on results, not ideas.

I love starting things. The shiny new object will hold my attention for a while, but the gold is at the finish line. Hanging in there until the end is where you learn the lessons, find resilience and build confidence. The road to the finish line is where you become savvy and discerning. Finish what you start not only to get the satisfaction of the end result, but also for the irreplaceable growth you will experience along the way.

Be excellent in all you do.

The bell curve is a natural part of education. Only so many people can get an A, and then a few more can get a B and bulk are supposed to receive a C. Then it tapers off again, with hopefully a few less getting a D and finally a few failing the course. Somehow, I think we mistakenly believe that same bell curve exists for us in success. As soon as someone achieves more than us, we start to believe there is less success for others to go around. But success can’t reach those that think this way. Why?

Because success thrives on aspiring, rather than grabbing.

Do you get the difference? When you reach for your best effort, the most excellent action in that moment, you are aspiring. You have no idea how great you can be but you are hoping to find out. When you grab, you are looking downward. What can I get and how quickly can I get it. In this mode, you believe there is only so much to go around and you have to act fast. The statistics state only so many succeed, but not because there isn’t enough, but rather because people aren’t willing to dig into their own abilities and talents and see what they can do.

Be happy for others.

It’s all kind of the same bowl of spaghetti. Focusing on what you can create in your best life but it’s worth stating: there is a never-ending stream of good energy that will come when you can be truly happy for others success. It’s not that you won’t have moments of jealousy. Most of us do. But success can’t reach those that can only be happy when life is going according to plan. Why?

Because success can’t fully thrive when you focus on what you don’t have.

It can feel like a tall order—to be joy-filled for another human being when

• life seems easier for them.
• that person is experiencing or achieving what you want.
• that individual doesn’t “deserve” the success based on their behavior.

It’s just not fair. Just remember, there will always be the option of success in your own life. You just have to find the tail-end of it and start pulling. I don’t know how much work it will take, or how far you will have to travel to achieve it but if you can see it, it’s yours.

And in the meantime, open your heart and fill it with joy. Clap and yell and smile for the success you see around you. Two reasons: first, there’s more energy in joy and second, it’s likely that person you just celebrated will throw you a line when you need it. It’s a strange fact: being happy for others raises the chances for your own success.

Seize this moment!

As I was running today, in the early morning breeze along the Ohio River, I was struck by the privilege of it all. To wake up to breath air into my lungs, to think about yesterdays lessons and plan big things for the days I have left. Success isn’t big bank accounts and names in lights. It’s not championship trophies and bragging rights.

Success is experienced when purpose is found, chances are taken, effort is put forth and blessings are received. Don’t wait until all is perfect, tap into the opportunity for success right now. And by the way, let me be the first to congratulate you.

Hey, I’m Liz Nead.

Did this speak to you? I’m so excited! Let me know what got your energy buzzing and how I can help you. I’m here ready to play.

Text me (515.664.6881). E-mail me (liz@neadinspiration.com). Connect with me.

Self Improvement is a thing. It’s called “Personal Development” now and it’s a $10 billion dollar industry. One of the biggest sections at the library and the bookstore, a top Google search, the Book and Gram filled with theories how you can Live Your Best Life.

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them you’ll find they haven’t half the strength you think they have.” 

Norman Vincent Peale

In my decade of experience as a professional speaker and coach, I have found that dear Mr. Peale was right—if you focus on a specific area in your life, believe in the best and choose specific actions to change, you will be able to change just about anything. Yet there are few gnarly partners that have emerged in all this life-change: anxiety and shame.

Now instead of blaming the people and culture and structure around you for keeping you down, there is an even more dangerous villain—you. You lack self-discipline. You can’t find your personal power. You have envisioned and yet it has not changed. It must be because you don’t believe.

I believe in personal development or self improvement or whatever you want to call it. But before you head down yet another “journey,” there are a few mental guidelines you will need.

Don’t look at it as all or nothing.

There is a well known quote by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Listen to the man. Millions are made of pennies. Marathons consist of steps.  Whatever actions result in positive results is positive. If you wait until you reach perfection to embrace the reality if change, you will be left with nothing. Instead, believe and celebrate every step you take in the right direction. Nurture the cause. Eventually you will feel you have made progress. In the meantime, enjoy every improvement you can muster.

Don’t feel bad you need help.

I’m not sure where we learned eventually we would outgrow “problems,” but it’s not true. Human beings are an interesting dichotomy of inspirational strength and debilitating flaws. Behind every triumph is another opportunity to get better. Often coaching clients hire me because they want to change something in their life but then spend at least half their time with me lamenting that they have something to fix. Let go of the notion of a fault-free life and dig into any barrier that keeps you from being your best. Remember, your faults make you interesting, relatable and authentic.

Don’t try to do it on your own.

It is an old school way of thinking—if you accomplish something on your own, it’s somehow worth more. My friend, there are no gold stars for going solo. I get it, putting together a complicated shelving system you bought at Target can be empowering, but self-improvement is a group activity. It’s meant to be collaborative. Think about it this way. Average athletes do it themselves. They have to download a training plan from the Internet and try to execute it on their own. Now consider the Olympic athlete.  They have a team—A nutritionist, a coach, a chiropractor, massage therapist, a marketing manager, a business manager. They surround themselves with people who will help them become successful. Forget about doing it yourself. Treat yourself like those at the highest level and create the team you need to make the change.

Stop trying to fix yourself.

You are not a problem to solve. You are a human and this is your life. Maybe you have anxiety. You could be heavier than you want to be. You always feel like you are going to lose your temper. When you make YOU the problem, you characterize yourself as anxious, overweight and ill tempered. Now you have to figure out why you are this way, and every time you try and fail to change, it’s simply YOU pulling YOURSELF back to the way YOU are.  Change the way you see the situation you want to improve. You are experiencing anxiety. You are gaining weight or finding difficulty losing weight. You are responding in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Your job is to figure out what you need to adjust to achieve different results. A medication. A new set of responses. A tribe of supportive people. Eliminating certain foods. Getting more sleep. Learning to speak your mind. When you move away from you as the problem, you will find room to explore possible answers to your questions.

Don’t be in a rush.

I get the idea of hurrying your self-improvement. In my timeline of change, I always felt an urgency to transform or I would lose my marriage, lose my finances, lose my sanity. Often personal development happens in crisis, precipitated by what might happen if we don’t change. But now that you are on the road to something different, success becomes infinitely more possible if you switch your motivation from that urgent and scary deadline to a visionary carrot. Weight loss provides an easy example. When you drop pounds quickly, you most likely will gain them back at the same rate. But when you change your environment, your mindset, your patterns and you lose weight a few pounds at a time, you are more likely to sustain your weight loss. Yes, rushing can get results but your job is to change your blueprint with new actions and ultimately new understanding and beliefs. Once you believe, the rest will follow. Be patient and enjoy the transformation.

Your life doesn’t get better by chance, it gets better by change.

Jim Rohn

What a racket this personal development thing is, don’t you think? It keys on our self-doubt and fears to get us to change. Get off the crazy train and take a moment to look inward. What about your circumstances isn’t aligning with your deepest desires. This is your life and you get to change what you want. I’m not saying it will be easy or the answers are always simple but I know you can do it. Give yourself time and your impossible dreams will become your daily triumphs.

Questions for you:

What do you want to change your life right now?

What of the five “thinking mistakes” I’ve outlined is getting in your way?

About Liz Nead

A speaker, coach and television host, Liz Nead is an expert in Bringing Life Back to Everyday Life. Her passion, Nead Inspiration is impacting the lives of thousands with life coaching, magazine articles, public speaking and life improvement television.

She has authored several best selling books, The 100 Day Journey, Curry Up, an ethnic cookbook, The 180 Life, and 20 Beautiful Women. Her work has been featured and ranked on Buzzfeed and reviewed by the Huffington Post. She blogs for Huffington Post and She Knows. Liz is a skilled story-teller and teacher, most recently climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro and competing in the Iowa Strongman Games. Whether she is climbing a mountain, flipping 300 pound tires, producing an award winning television, or conducting experiences in her personal life, her audiences learns valuable lessons to build an influential life.

She also balances her passion-driven career with a busy family life, raising seven kids in a blended family with her husband, a retired Army Major.

Stories are a thing. When I tell my clients about their stories, I’m often met with defensiveness and frustration (at least in the beginning). They feel I’m underestimating their stress, minimizing their pain, invalidating their experiences. I promise I am not. But our stories must be defined and challenged and eventually proven and affirmed. Choosing our stories is an act of power and privilege, not a disempowered death sentence.

Here’s four things you need to know about your stories.

They don’t have to be based in reality.

My husband and I have been married for almost 19 years. On the whole our life together has been full of love and laughter but we joke he doesn’t have to be in the room to get in trouble. I have two stories in my head. One is he is a loving, handy, hard-working man who really loves me. The other is he doesn’t like to push himself, becomes forgetful and distracted and wishes I was someone other than I am.

At these moments, a dish on a side table or sock on the stairs triggers the negative story. If he is unlucky enough to walk in during one of those moments, he senses the negative energy and says, “what now?”

Stories are a cumulative reaction, connecting the dots between many experiences. While each experience represents a reality, the bigger story cements the situation into something more permanent. Ask yourself; do you want this thought process to become your daily reality? If the answer is no, choose the most positive, optimistic story available to you.

Your story works for you.

Let me lay it out for you. No matter how uncomfortable, disgusted, sad, angry or sick-to-your-stomach your story makes you, it is making you feel better about something. I know, it sounds sado-masochistic that you would choose something that causes you pain, but it’s part of our nature to want to feel right.

It makes you feel like a good mom when you feel you “have” to choose your children over your work. It makes you feel noble when you talk about the haters you have to work against. It makes you feel more right when you can’t apologize for fear you will let someone off the hook for his or her wrongdoing. It makes you feel less of a failure when you claim that no diets work for you.

Stories are powerful. If you sense your story is holding you back, be honest about how your story is serving you and ensure that story isn’t slowing your growth.

There is always more that one way to look at anything.

It may feel the most normal response, to be angry when someone has wronged you, to desperately miss someone who has just passed away or to feel frustration with your angsty teenager. Stories get in the way when you connect a morality to your story.

I find it interesting to learn about all the stories. Some people feel poor when they can’t afford the very best car. Another person simply feels gratitude they have a vehicle that runs. One person doesn’t want to live without a partner. Another feels great relief to be alone after getting out of an abusive marriage. One person spends all their time trying to control their teenager. Another enjoys the journey watching their son or daughter grow.

Stories should be created to serve you. Push to change your stories. If you think something is hard, run through the barrier and find new strength.

They should reflect your life, rather than take a life of it’s own.

Social media has created the tidal wave of collective thought. Hashtags connect our experiences to reveal the cultural patterns, the things we need to change or hopefully sometimes, uphold. Think #metoo or #blacklivesmatter.

Recently I experienced racial profiling. The circumstances don’t matter, and as with any situation involving more than one human, they are debatable. As I share my perception and reality, my friends, acquaintances and colleagues have had a variety of reactions, from outright denial to righteous indignation (on my behalf).

The more I shared the story, the less it felt connected to my life. It became a cultural catalyst, and each person reacted to it from their perspective. One person was a retired state trooper and questioned my interpretation of the event. Another person is a budding activist and listed other instances of profiling. The story wasn’t about my life. It was a tool of rhetoric.

My life is filled with many “stories” such as this and if you want to know my perspectives on racism or feminism or any other ism, I’m happy to share them with you. But I choose not to allow the story to overcome my daily life. I am also a suburban mother, a daughter of immigrants, a passionate inspirational-ist and competitive athlete. It’s my right to pursue all my stories, not just the ones that make me mad.

Stories are simply a perspective on a human experience. No story can completely sum up your existence; you are too big for that.

I’m thankful for the stories I choose.

I have a story of passion, creativity and triumph.

I have a story of second chances and deep gratitude.

I have a story as a gladiator for those who didn’t have the advantages I have.

I have a story of great and relentless abundance.

These are the stories I choose. They are others and sometimes those stories take over and make me feel sad or overwhelmed. The good news is I have my purpose-drive stories ready because at the end of it all, I want my story to be a legacy for all who know me.

What’s your story?

All my children have been involved in competitive activities. You name it: marching band, show choir, mock trial, basketball, soccer, track, cross country. The ultimate goal for it all is the same: be number one. Fight for the solo. Get the fastest time. Win the award for best drum major or teammate. First in line. First name called.

As a mother, I’ve been lucky. A good measure of time, they have been successful in achieving the number one spot. They have made the top teams or brought home the trophy or stood on stage with the spotlight on them. But sometimes it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes they don’t get the solo, they narrowly miss varsity or they have to fight for their spot on the team.

On those days I worry about them. I don’t like to see them sad. I wonder whether they will turn to the wrong way to alleviate the dark feeling behind their eyes. I have lain in bed worrying about the possibility of suicide, of whether I should quietly sneak into their room to make sure they are still alive. I talk quickly, using my speaker/ coach persona to pump them up with bright and shiny words, wanting them to get over it, move on, rise above.

But when your goal is to be one of the chosen ones, it’s hard to rise above. How do you stop caring when your success is in part to the caring in your soul?

I’ve got two kids at home still, a junior and freshman, and as I watch them weather the ups and downs of achievement, together we have redefined success. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not about being number one anymore. It’s not about getting someone to see you. It’s not about making the team. Nope. It’s changed.

Here’s three ways to redefine success and let go of being the best.

Excellence.

Being number one depends not only on you AND those who are competing with you. You can’t be head of the class without people behind you or belowyou. A commitment to excellence, however—doing your best, no matter what—is achievable in any circumstance. It’s about showing up as the best you in every situation. It’s important to note the standard for your own excellence changes every day. Some days you will stand on top of the world and other days it will be enough you just came to play. But no one can stop you from being your best, mentally, spiritually and physically.

Exceptional Consistency.

Interestingly, at the highest level, those at the top tend to live in exceptional consistency anyway, which is the practice of doing the right things with practical frequency. Let’s unpack this one together. It’s not about doing any one thing every day. Exceptional consistency asks you to identify essential tasks and then perform them with a frequency that makes a difference to your success. Your eyes have moved from those around you to focus in on your best life and what it will take to get there. You can’t do it all, and you can’t do it every day, but you CAN get the right things done and enjoy the benefits of consistency.

Surrender.

The final replacement to “being number one” is surrender, not to be confused with giving up. Ironically, when you give up trying to control the outcome, trying to ensure you get what you want and turn your attention to doing the right things to the best of your ability, success becomes exponentially more achievable. Worrying about what everyone else is doing, and where you stand in the pack AND trying to do your best right now is like chasing two rabbits. Drop the attention to others; turn inward with intention and pay attention to your now. Surrender the illusion you have any control over whether it happens and you’ll likely find yourself in an even better situation than you imagined.

Being the best can be fun. I certainly have enjoyed it all from the sidelines as I watched my children succeed by the world’s definition. It has been through the failures and disappointments, however, that I have witnessed the most delicious growth. It is in those moments they learned how to do it for themselves, finding meaning in their purpose and the lessons of that moment.

And in the end, isn’t that what true success is all about?

Love,

Liz